growing up

J. Crew top / ASOS skirt / Topshop belt / ASOS shoes

Let's ignore my horrible roots and focus on a few of my other deficiencies. I am sadly lacking in wardrobe essentials. It's sort of embarrassing how long I've been searching for a pair of basic black leather flats; you'd think they'd be everywhere, but none of the ones I've found are perfect, they're either too expensive, too bulky, too flimsy, too orthopedic-looking, or too polyurethane-y. I'm still holding out for my dream pair, hopefully it'll be worth the wait! Another thing that I've been on the hunt for is a skinny black leather high-waist belt; no frills, no embellishments, just the belt. Once again, it's been surprisingly difficult to find the perfect one, and so I'm holding out. It's funny that I've spent years going crazy accumulating random, colorful, out-there clothes that I never even stopped to put together a foundational wardrobe. I've grown up a bit since then, and now I finally understand the sense in doing it. Better late than never, I suppose.

I'm so happy that I finally feel like I'm starting to grow up, too. You know on your birthday, you expect to suddenly be older, and you're always disappointed that you don't feel any different? That's been the case for me for years, it was as if I got to a certain point, mentally/emotionally, and just sort of stagnated for a few birthdays. I felt like a child imposter in an adult world, trying so desperately to stay afloat while watching everyone else master everything like it was nothing. That fear's been fading ever so gradually, and I can only assume that it's a product of growing up. I'm just glad to realize that I'm not abnormal after all. Because as unique and exemplary as we claim to be (as we shout it from the rooftops), deep down I know that all we want is just to fit in.

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